A Nightmare In Whoville
You’ve heard the story of the Grinch stealing Christmas,
Of that, I am certain.
But here’s another Whoville story about me, Lucy Lou Who,
Cindy Lou’s sister, but they call me the Omen.
I’ll bet you’ve never heard about me, have you?
Overshadowed by that little brat.
You think the Grinch was scary? Well I didn’t,
You see, I slayed him with my gat.
No, there’s a Creep far more fearful,
That no one will tell you about, so I will.
Eat your heart out, Freddy,
This is the Nightmare in motherfucking Whoville.
December 25
Christmas Evening. I watched them all, pretending to be happy as fuck down there, singing that dreadful Whoville anthem as they stood in a circle with their little noses upturned and their eyes closed. And he was down there with them, joining in as if he belonged with them. Ugh… that’s fucking disgusting.
I watched from the dark side of Mount Crumpet. Yeah, that’s right, the side of Mount Crumpet that even the green guy was afraid to step foot in. Not me, though. I stood there, leaning against my knee as I propped my foot on a nearby boulder. I had my binoculars out , and my gat next to me. What? Didn’t believe me? Yeah, that part’s comin’, don’t worry.
I guess it would help if I gave you some context. I was exiled a few years ago. Someone got tipped that I was planning on murdering Donovan Whostings and his twin daughters. There was allegedly a pretty detailed plan behind it, too. Allegedly. Would you believe it that it was my own sister, little Cindy Lou? Yeah, I mean, maybe I’ve never really been nice to the little brat, but what teen girl do you know is nice to her annoying kid sister? Now… as far as whether it was true or not, I guess that’s a story for another time. Whostings lived, by the way. I could see his smug expression all the way from up there. Even for a Who, Donovan was a snobby bastard.
So I waited up on the dark side of that mountain. Mayor Somerwhos orchestrated the whole circle jerk down there. He made the Grinch think he was becoming something he wasn’t. That’s what politicians do, you know. They tell you everything you want to hear. I always thought the mayor was a huge kiss ass. Of course, that could be my bitterness talking.
“Look at them down there.”
I shook my head in disgust, sighed, and set myself up to take him out.
So what’s my beef with the Grinch? I’m so glad you asked.
After I was exiled, I went to the only entity I knew of for help. I wanted revenge. And who better to help make it happen than the Mean One himself?
But he denied me.
I stood there outside his door, wet from the snowstorm and freezing cold. He glared at me and insisted that I could never live up to his standards… said he was too vile. And that I was just some mistreated and vulnerable little girl. Then he laughed… before telling me to get out of his sight or he’d cook me and send the parts he didn’t eat down to Whoville himself. And slammed the door in my face.
I was exiled by my own family.
And the Grinch left me for dead at a time where he could have gained a partner. Someone who could have protected him from… well, from what I was about to do to him right now.
After hours of that ungodly awful music, and watching guys like Dave Whodell and Ezra Who clap each other on the back while they exchanged thoughtless cheap gifts, finally the party started to die down. And I spied only Donovan, and Joe Who having a heated exchange. It was hard to tell what kind of pissing match they were having, but I wasn’t interested in that one. Konrad Whoob left in his obnoxiously loud race car that Mayor Somerwhos gifted him as a ‘token of his appreciation’ for Konrad’s dedication and loyalty to Whoville. What a joke!
The Whostreamer was being rounded up by Officer Prasinophobia, the only Who in Whoville without the surname. Some say he was exiled before too, but redeemed himself somehow. Whatever. Another kiss ass in this blind town.
And the Grinch was finally coming up the mountain.
As he approached, I hid quietly in the shadows. I calculated. I aimed. I mowed him down.
December 31
His head was on a stick at the entrance of my new home in Mount Crumpet. I lounged on my throne and was thinking about just what I should do next, when there was a soft rapping at my door.
When I opened the door, I was a little surprised to see a battered and bruised blonde girl. She fell to her knees at my door when I opened it, struggling for air. She was barely recognizable.
“Sloane?”
I pulled down my sunglasses and looked her over. She was the only Who I really cared for.
“I escaped him…”
She gasped and coughed, specks of blood staining the silver snow.
“What are you talking about?”
I stepped out of my new home and looked out over the edge of the mountain. She spoke the truth just as it was unfolding before my eyes.
“I escaped the Spider King. He’s… he’s killed them all!”
Whoville was on fire. I could hear the distant screams of the Whos down there. I could see some of their bodies. After a few moments, I couldn’t see any movement. Until the giant spider crept out from behind one of the houses, grinning with a Who clutched in his termite smile.
“Is… that Sebastian?!”
Sebastian Whoverett-Who, someone I didn’t particularly care for. But I knew that Sloane did. She couldn’t answer me. She only sobbed helplessly. She was the Final Who.
“You have to help me. Sebastian isn’t dead.”
“You’re asking me to help… after all of you sent me to die two years ago?”
I scoffed in disbelief, my compassion suddenly disappearing. She didn’t answer. She knew it was a fair argument, but she also knew that I knew she fought for me. So when she looked up at me, her eyes said all that needed to be said. I sighed and looked away.
“Fine.”
I couldn’t believe what I was about to do.
“This isn’t one of those lame creatures that can be killed simply by not being afraid of it, is it?”
“What? No. What do you think this is, a Stephen King book? This is Dr. Suess, all you have to do is rhyme your way to salvation. Look.”
“...did you rhyme on purpose just now?”
So we worked together,
The Omen and the Sky Who
To slay the Spider King
With a rhyming word or two.
And if you believe that,
You’re a bigger fool than I thought
I got him with my gat, as well
Little pieces of his skull
Sticking to the Whoville Thrift Shop
So now you know the true story of Whoville
And how it was saved by a mercenary
I even saved Sloane’s boy toy,
Who later died of dysentery…
Oh, you wanted a happy ending?
Perhaps a prophet leading the Whos to Zion?
On the other side of Mount Crumpet, you’ll find
The next best thing, a little town called Horizons
Lucy Wylde closed the hardcover book. She sat near a crackling fireplace. She was wearing a green and white and red ugly sweater. Taking a sip of hot chocolate, she smiled sweetly into the camera.
“Did you enjoy my story, Tempest? It was written a little bit on the fly, I’ve been pressed for time, you see. But I thought maybe it was right up your alley. You like horror stories, don’t you? Even at Christmastime.”
To the right of her was a Christmas tree decorated in colorful lights and ribbon, with a twinkling star at the top. She sat with her legs crossed in a cozy looking chair.
“You enjoy striking fear into your opponents. I’d be lying if I said you didn’t sometimes strike fear into me. But, there’s something different about me, isn’t there?”
She let the question linger, lightly biting her bottom lip, almost as if she expected an answer.
“You know… There’s something I’ve noticed about you in this… what, two year long rivalry? I’ve noticed that you name your monsters. The ones that you fear. You name us. Like Dracula and Frankenstein and Leatherface. Only, for you, it’s The Final Girl… your original monster. And The Arsonist. And finally, The Omen. We are the ones who have been haunting you. And no one has haunted the Spider King quite like I have, have they?”
She flipped her hair back and took another drink of her hot chocolate.
“I mean, sure, I didn’t take the vision out of one of your eyes… and I didn’t burn your skin so bad your face looks like bubble gum. And I certainly didn’t drive a sex-induced dream into your head with harmless flirtatious twitter banter. No… I didn’t do any of that. I know what I did do, though. I did everything I wasn’t supposed to do. Everything between you and Sloane and you and Seb, that’s all predesigned by your sick fucking mind. It’s just you having fun with your little toys. I wasn’t even meant to be played with when you brought me into your strange little universe, was I? I was a means to an end. I was simply a door for you to get to JC. But, that didn’t work out for you either, now did it?”
She glared into the camera, the flames from the fireplace burning in her eyes.
“No. It didn’t. Look at all that you’ve lost just by making the mistake of thinking I would be just another puppet that you can play with and discard whenever you want. I’ve made your entire life a living hell, Tempest. What is that quote that you like to spew? Something like… you shouldn’t gaze into the abyss, for the abyss gazes also into you. I am the abyss. I am the Omen. And I am the Dark… fucking… Lady.”
She set down her coffee mug and glanced up at the tree with a smile.
“I’ve something for you to chew on, however.”
Her eyes moved away from the Christmas tree and back to the camera.
“A long time ago… champions in this company were determined by their talent, their pure talent. You knew who the champion was, because the champion’s peers treated them as such. Because they respected their champion. These days? Pure talent is overlooked. And sitting in their places are the ones who disguise their lack of talent with face paint and masks. I won’t say that you’re not talented in the charisma department, but we’re talking about professional wrestling here. And in the ring? Well… you’re just not that talented. You’re intelligent enough to distract your opponents enough to drive their attention away from that. But you haven’t quite succeeded with me, have you? I’ve not only defeated you… But I’ve made it look easy. And that just drives you insane… Doesn’t it?”
She stood from the recliner and stepped towards the fireplace.
“You’re a world champion, it’s hard to stand here and say that you’re not talented. But guess what? That’s just exactly what I’m doing. I can speak for many people when I say that having Tempest as the UGWC World Champion is just a little… underwhelming. You know? Your climb to the top is undeniable…”
She paused, leaning against the mantle and mocking deep thought.
“...unless you really look into your methods of how you rose to the top. I mean, do you see anyone in the company showing you the respect they showed Donovan during his title reign this time last year? No, you don’t. And it’s not because he’s more established here. It’s because when everyone thinks about your rise to the top, they can’t quite put their finger on why they feel like you’re a disgrace to that belt. But, since ‘tis the season, I’m here to spread Christmas cheer. You’re a disgrace because everyone knows that you haven’t earned your spot at the top. You’ve just managed to sneak up there through a combination of being at the right place at the right time, and taking advantage of special stipulations in your matches. But, that’s part of it, you might say. Yes, it truly is. You’re right. But, the reason you’re an underwhelming champion, is because no one believes you deserve it. Because no one believes you’re the best in this company. You’ve risen to power through bread and circuses, you might say.”
She smirked as she gazed into the camera.
“I don’t have to ask if I’m getting under your skin, Tempest. Because I already know the answer to that. I’ve been living rent-free inside your head for over two fucking years now. And guess what, pal? You’re in luck, because I just renewed my lease, so I’ll be living in your head for at least one more year.”
Icy laughter escaped her.
“There’s a point when an omen becomes a curse. On December twelfth, Tempest, that’s what’s going to happen. I’ve taken your legacy in the chaos division. If you think about it, I’ve helped take away your dignity with the destruction of your farmhouse. I’ve taken away your confidence as the UGWC World Champion. Now I’m going to take your World Championship and claim it as my own, once again. I’m not going to sink to your level and play your games. I’m going to beat you because I’m simply better than you are. And everybody knows it. Even you.”
A sweet smile spread on her lips once more as she walked over to the recliner and curled her legs under her. She picked up her hot chocolate and took another sip before winking into the camera.
Fade to black.